


kiss me hard (before you go).

by jeonginks



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluffy Angst, a lot of kissing here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:34:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonginks/pseuds/jeonginks
Summary: after avoiding him for weeks, you decided to knock on his door the night before he leaves for another city to spend the time as best as you two could.
Relationships: Kim Seungmin/Reader
Kudos: 34





	kiss me hard (before you go).

You have always gotten emotional over Seungmin leaving. Even if it was just for a one-week Christmas break with his friends, or a two-week music camp field trip with his choir group, or a two-month summer vacation with his family—you have gotten emotional over him leaving one way or another.

Not dramatically, of course. It wasn’t like you were spilling waterfalls of tears and throwing temper tantrums over not being able to see or hold him for seven days straight; if that was the case, Seungmin knew for a fact that he would not be able to handle it, especially since those absent days happen every single year.

You just get a little naggy, caringly naggy, like you’ve got amnesia every five minutes and you would keep reminding him to take care of himself, or make sure to have a good time, or think about you when he is away.

And Seungmin does. He always does. Whether it is at night on the soft hotel bed or walking down a loud foreign street, he makes space for you in his head and he shows that he has been thinking about you by sending you pictures and getting you souvenirs.

Sometimes _he_ becomes the annoying one because he keeps spamming you with pictures. You still remember playfully threatening to block his number after he sent you a frame by frame set of pictures, where you saw the entire process of Jeongin tripping on Jisung’s fallen body (because he tripped on thin air first) and falling to the ground.

It was a good blackmail material. You could pinpoint exactly the moment where Jeongin realized he would be making friends with the brick ground, his eyes wide in alert and his arms flailing out in a poor attempt to grasp the air for support. When the boys came back from music camp that year, you made sure to give jeongin a big smooch on the head, which he begrudgingly accepted.

You have always gotten emotional over seungmin leaving. But not this time, not in a sense that you didn’t feel anything about his departure, it was just that… you were different this time.

You were ecstatic the first moment you heard that seungmin, along with his friends, got pass his idol audition and would get the chance to train under a prestigious entertainment. It has always been his dream to sing for people, you had been beyond proud of him to achieve the spot. It was until he broke it to you that he would give to move to Seoul to pursue his opportunity when the realization finally dawned upon your silly, silly head.

He has to leave. He wasn’t breaking up with you, no, but he has to leave. For however many years it would take for him to qualify for debuting, and after that, there would be years of the dating ban, and then there would also be tight schedules and long distances.

Seungmin was only leaving the city, but it felt like he was leaving you.

You left him to his own devices after that, stalling and wasting all the times you could have spent with him to make the remaining days count. You spared no playful nagging and no playful reminders, just unread texts and missed calls.

It was too much for you, you feared too much of the uncertainty—what if you couldn’t be patient enough for him? What if he couldn’t resist another’s seduction for you? What if the both of you couldn’t fight against time, the time that would pick and pinch at your affection for each other until there is nothing left to share?

Seungmin zipped up his luggage just as the door to his bedroom knocked. He barely glanced behind his shoulder to look at it, his back arched in pure exhaustion at how his heart had been spiraling depressively for the past week. It was his last night in his home, his last night in his home city, that alone was enough to make him feel anxious and homesick.

But nothing had prepared him for how disastrously affected his heart would be when he realized he might have to leave without seeing you, without touching you, and without hearing that you love him once more.

The impatient knock came again and he finally stood up, his brows furrowed in annoyance. He moved over to his door, ready to tell his mother for the fifth time this night that he would not be changing his mind and he did remember to bring enough clothes, but when he swung open the door, it was you who stood before him instead.

“Hey…” you said, clutching your jacket tightly.

He opened his mouth but only air slipped out. You looked as tired as he did, and he could tell you have cried yourself to sleep for the past days. As much as he wanted to immediately wrap you in his arms, to feel you against him, he found himself stepping aside and giving you space into his room first.

His room was as dim as it usually was during night time, when Seungmin has the habit of turning off the main light on the ceiling and instead, flipping on the warmer light on the wall. It was a cloud-shaped light; Seungmin hated it until you decided to decorate it with cartoon stickers during a sleepover. He has never looked at it the same way again.

The first thing you saw was the luggage on the floor, packed and ready to be sent away. Your heart dropped slightly at its indication, then you quickly picked yourself back up. You have talked to yourself about this, you have thought about this and decided you wanted to support his dreams instead of dwelling in your misery until the sadness replaced itself with guilt and missed chances.

“You–you packed,” you said, gesturing towards the luggage on the floor before you turned around to face him.

“Yeah.“ Seungmin nodded. “I leave tomorrow morning.”

You hummed in defeated acknowledgment. The tension was more longing than awkward, the air waiting for one of you to break out of restraint first. Turning to look at his opened closet, you raised a brow at the empty hangers lining up to the side of the closet before you finally caught sight of three colorful hoodies hung at the farthest corner.

You laughed meekly as you pointed at it, hiding the sobs in your throat, “You–you idiot! You forgot to pack your favorite hoodies.”

Seungmin looked over, his fingers fiddling together nervously as his mouth hung open in a poor attempt to explain why he had left those there. His mind fired quickly and the first thing he did was only to state the obvious. “I am going to leave them here.”

You frowned at him, your lips curling down and your cheeks bulging out at the pressure. Seungmin softened at your incredulously curious eyes, his shoulders visibly relaxing as he waited for you to speak. “But why? You should at least take the blue one, you look so good in it and it’s your absolute favorite one.”

He licked his lower lip, a faint smile blossoming on his face. He stared at you, blinking gently, “It’s your favorite one. They’re your favorite hoodies too.”

You sucked in a rapid breath, understanding his intentions. He left those there for you, a token of your relationship, a token of his love. It was a way to tell you that he, until the last minute, still thought about you; a way that didn’t require the use of cheesy text messages or well thought out confessions, which he was never very good at anyway.

Just three colorful hoodies in his empty closet, all of them covered in his warmth and his scent.

You bit your lower lip to hold down a sob as you walked over to the closet. It was much less messy than usual, which felt out of place for you. Being able to see the shoe boxes stacked at the back of the closet was unfamiliar, they were usually covered by his shirts and sweaters, occasionally seeing the light of day when Seungmin pushes the clothes to the side or you steal one of his shirts again.

Peeling the light blue hoodies off the hanger, you carefully threw it over your head and marveled at the way that even though its fabric went loose around your torso, you felt fulfilled and warm wearing it. Bringing your sweater paws up to your cheeks, you inhaled the sleeves and closed your eyes at the smell of flowery detergent mixed with Seungmin’s familiar fragrance.

It was a match made in heaven; it was a smell you could recognize even if you were rid of most of your senses because for so long, it was what home smelt like to you, and it still is what home smells like to you.

Would you forget, after years of separating from him? Would you still remember it but somehow he stopped feeling like home anymore? Would your heart lose him to time and distance?

Seungmin sighed with the shattering of his heart when he heard you choke out a sob. You had begun to cry, your tears staining the hoodie sleeve as you wailed your fears and longings away, and he wasn’t very sure what to do. He was never good at handling criers because he wasn’t one, and neither were you before this happened.

“(Name)…” He took a step forward but stopped when you turned around.

“I’m so sorry for ignoring you these weeks,” you said, your voice teary and timid, but loud and strong enough to make Seungmin’s heart pound against his chest. “I’m sorry if I made you think I don’t support you and your dreams. I need you to know that I do and if you have to leave this place to go after it, you should.”

To be honest, the idea that you didn’t support him has never crossed his mind. He knew you would, for some reason. You had always been there for choir shows, you listened to him talk about all the musical things he did during camp despite not understand instrumental talk, you never failed to praise him for his incredible vocal talent—you had always been the first in line when it comes to him and singing.

You were upset, he understood, that he had to leave you here and he only gave you a two weeks notice that he would be leaving for years, plus the uncertainty that your relationship may never work out as smoothly as it could when he was still an unknown high school boy with big dreams.

He couldn’t get mad at you for avoiding him until the last minute. For one, he understood why. He supposed he would be pretty disheartened if you did the same thing as well. For two, he just couldn’t bring himself to get mad at you at a time like this, when he needed his last memories of you to be nothing but loving and heartfelt.

Heaving a sigh, he got on the bed and scooted to the middle where he sat with his feet dangling off the edge. He opened his arms and beckoned you over softly, “Come here, my love.”

You did, stumbling closer to him until your thigh met with his feet. He leaned in to hold your hands, giving your arms a few childish swings before he pulled you on his lap, helping you position yourself by circling his arms around your waist and preventing you from falling off his thighs.

You sniffed when he kissed your cheeks, giggling in feign disgust when he grimaced with a complaint about your tears having a salty taste, and you burst into another fit of feathery laughter when he went to smooch your cheeks again just to mend the dry trail of waterfalls down your skin.

“I missed you so much,” you muttered, your voice almost giving away as you cupped his jaw in your hands and stared into his heart-shaped eyes.

“I missed you too,” he mumbled under his breath, bringing you closer to him unconsciously, “I am so sorry for making you cry.”

You hummed in disagreement as you lightly shook your head. Your fingers pressed against his cheeks, clinging to them and hugging his face carefully in a way Seungmin never wanted you to let go. Your accepting smile made him fall, again and again, and he had to hold himself down so he wouldn’t kiss you right then and there.

“I’m sorry for wasting all these times, we could have been this close every night,” you said quietly, trailing over his features with your teary eyes. “I hope I am not too late.”

Seungmin smiled, his eyes squinting with a crinkle of his nose. You can never be too late for him, his heart is ready for you at any moment of his remaining life, whether it is thinking about you quietly or having you pressed near his body.

Seungmin will always be ready for you, all that you will give him and all that he is ready to give you.

“It’s never too late to kiss me,” he whispered close to your lips, feeling your back squirm under the weight of his words.

Rolling your eyes at his words, you squeezed his cheeks before gladly leaning in so you could press your lips against his. His fingers gingerly clawed at your lower back as he other hand flew up to hold your wrist, any attempt just to touch your bare skin.

God, your lips. Your soft, soft lips, made out of sugar and spice. He could play a thousand strings and sing a thousand words about them; about how kissing you always make him feel so needed and loved, how it makes him feel like there is nothing else he can do better aside from giving you every ounce of strength he has.

It opens a gate to his heart he didn’t even know he had, one only you can open because you _are_ the key.

With the influence of his excited heart, Seungmin suddenly started to graze your lip with his teeth, his brows furrowing passionately when he caught your lower lip between them.

You let out a breathy moan, surprised. But you only had too little time to dwell in the shock before you opened your mouth and allowed Seungmin to do whatever he wanted.

Adrenalin rushed up to your lungs, causing a ruckus beneath your bones as your mind chased itself into chaos. He has never kissed you with such urgency before, with silent pleads pierced in the tip of his tongue and desperate longing tattooed in the way he moved against you. He was kissing you to make you breathless, to make your burn with revelation.

Seungmin kissed you intending to linger, so the shape and the taste of his lips will haunt you every day and night when he is away. And _damn_ , it was so good, you were drenched in blissful abandon to let him take full control over you.

Amidst this heated moment, Seungmin forced himself to pull away for a brief moment to allow his hazy mind to settle down. Both of you were adrift somewhere in paradise and both of you had no plans of returning any time sooner.

You kept yourself close to him, your upper lip positioned tenderly against his, taunting him to resist, daring him to let go once more. Your eyes were as gone as Seungmin’s were when you stared into them, and you inwardly worshipped the way his inky black eyes, devoured in thunderstorms and fallen ashes, could pull you to him so effortlessly.

“I love you, okay?” He declared breathlessly but his tone was filled to the brim with sincerity. “I love you, three or ten years from now.”

Three or ten years from now, whether he only gets to talk to you every weekend or every three months, whether it would be easy to find the right time to catch up with each other or if the process would make him want to pull his hair out—Seungmin loves you, and he will wait until he can love you.

“Wait for me, please,” he pleaded then, the ocean in his eyes seemed brighter and ready to spill, causing heartache in your chest. He was clutching the hoodie and pressing your hand to his cheek, his shaky movements only calming down at your warmth.

 _Wait for me._ Seungmin was asking. _Wait for me, remember me, hold on to me._

You felt like crying again. The volcanic sadness stays no matter how many times you convince yourself things would turn out fine, that you could live without him being near you eventually.

You could deal with the quiet, you could deal with not anticipating his presence when you leave home, you could deal with the untouched skin and unkissed lips. Yes, you could, you have to.

“I will, I promise” you replied in a hush, lowering your head. “I’m going to miss you so much.“

Seungmin pressed his thumb to your eye carefully, swiping across the wet corners and making you chuckle as you leaned against his palm, looking up at him again.

"I will text you all the time. If I don’t, my friends will,” he grumbled with a scoff, remember how bitter he felt when it took Jeongin no amount of effort to get your phone number back then while he had to stall a whole week before mustering up the courage to do so. “We will keep in touch, we all will.”

“You guys better,” you said threateningly, kind of threateningly, making him smile.

And he kissed you again, much softer this time. It was to seal a sacred vow one would find harder to break than any else’s, an oath shared by two teenagers who so genuinely, so tenderly, and so tragically in love with each other.

“How early are you leaving tomorrow?” You asked after pulling away, adjusting your legs so instead of sitting in a kneeling posture, they wrapped around his lower back, making it much more comfortable for you and giving you two more space to be closer to each other.

“Hmm, since we have to take the bus to the train station and we are meeting up at the bus stop around the school before going there together…” He calculated in his head, a pout forming on his lips due to the concentration. “I think I’ll have to leave around seven in the morning.”

That was earlier than you thought. But either way, you never planned to see him off anyway. Turning into a crying mess in public early in the morning would not be a plan; if you could, you would rather let him leave just as things are—a soft goodbye to your sleeping form, and maybe you will sob on his bed for a while after you wake up.

“I am not going to the train station with you,” you said, running your hands through his hair before circling your arms around his neck into a hug. You sighed, “So it is just going to be tonight.”

“Okay.” Seungmin flashed you a faint smile, a bittersweet but endearing one. His pinky finger gently tucked at a piece of your hair, his finger brushing back against your temple and falling to your ear. “Do you need anything from me before I go?”

“You should be the one getting something from me. I never gave you a congratulatory gift for getting through your audition,” you said with a laugh, tapping his nose with your index finger and pressing your chest up against his for a needed closeness. “I am very proud of you, Seungmin.”

He gave you a peck, “Thank you.”

And you two just looked at each other. Affectionately drawn towards the other like how North sticks to South. You couldn’t help but whisper a loving confession, brushing his hair as the words “I love you” left your lips like a secret only Seungmin gets to hear.

“I love you too,” he returned immediately, his eyes shutting for a brief moment to allow the rush of euphoria, then they flutter open so he could look at you and ask, “Are you sure you don’t want anything from me?”

You thought for a moment, your brows furrowing in thoughts. There were not many things you wanted to ask from him, most of those you do were out of his ability to accomplish, such as not leaving you here.

“Call me when you get there,” you reminded him.

“Of course,” he hummed. “What else?”

You sighed, keeping your eyes on him as it hit you that there really wasn’t anything else you needed from him. You just needed him, and you had him the moment you stepped into his room, so you figured you should get the most and the best out of it.

Seungmin could see where your eyes were and believe it or not, he was totally on the same page. It was not the type of nights he wanted to spend with words. There were only senses and feelings that he wanted to have threaded through his veins this night, be it loud or quiet, tender or rough, or perhaps both of each opposite.

You leaned in, your eyes moving up from his lips to look into the windows of his brilliant soul. “Stay with me,” you breathed into his mouth. “Until you leave me.”

Seungmin wasted no time to claim your lips once more, rough exhales fanning against your face as he desperately kissed you to fulfill the insatiable desire he holds for you.

The cloud-shaped light dimmed suddenly, as if it was closing its eyes to the sight of him pushing you off the side to his bed, his body hovering over yours closely; as if it felt too shy at the sight of swollen lips marked with the intension to venture and worship tonight.

Stay with me until you leave me.

Seungmin can do that, and he planned for his presence to stick with your skin even after he leaves as well.


End file.
